Am I Wrong for Changing My Mind About Merging Finances With My Fiancé?

Recently, a man we’ll call William shared his dilemma on the internet. He is engaged to his fiancé, Tina, and they had previously decided to combine their finances when they married. However, things took a turn for the worst when William discovered the details of Tina’s finances.

The Finances Don’t Lie

William, who lives a frugal lifestyle, invested the money he didn’t spend, and his assets and investments are roughly 20 times more than Tina’s. On the other hand, Tina owes about $50,000 on several credit cards and $75,000 on her new electric car. She couldn’t pay her debts even if she cashed out her investments and retirement.

William was shocked to discover the wide gap in their financial status and debt, and he took weeks to think about it before finally telling Tina that he wanted to keep their finances separate until she paid off her debt. William didn’t want to say “I do” and immediately took on a debt of $125,000.

He is also considering consulting an attorney about the ins and outs of a prenuptial agreement, but he didn’t mention this to Tina as she was already upset that he had gone back on their merging agreement. She argued that they had always discussed joining their lives and sharing everything, and now William was having doubts.

William explained to Tina that he had no doubts about spending the rest of his life with her but didn’t want to take on so much debt. However, Tina is unhappy with William’s change of heart and accuses him of going back on their agreement. William asked the Reddit community if he was the jerk for changing his mind.

Related Reading: Best Money Management Tips For Young Couples

The Masses Weigh In

One user chimed in that William is not the jerk in this situation. They believe he now has access to information he didn’t have before and that his decision not to combine their finances immediately is a wise move that will protect their mental and financial well-being and the health of their future marriage.

“Legal aid is the way to go,” advises one person regarding openness with Tina. They suggest offering to help her get her finances under control and offering advice on debt management and living within her means. They also acknowledge that Tina may be taking this as an attack, but they believe assuming the best intentions is essential.

Another commenter stated that they have a personal aversion to debt and prioritized financial security in their life choices. They shared that they worked through college and paid off credit cards but also missed out on certain experiences due to their commitment to financial stability.

In William’s situation, this user believes they would need to discuss their fiancé’s values and attitudes toward money to determine if they are compatible. The user notes that choosing not to get married is an option but acknowledges that this also brings legal and financial complications.

Is financial compatibility a crucial aspect of any marriage? One user stated that the issue isn’t just about the debt but also the person’s values and attitudes toward money.

They suggested that the OP talk with his fiancé about her plans to repay the debt and live within her means. They advised caution and recommended that he move forward with the marriage if she changes her spending habits and develops a solid plan to pay off her debt.

This thread inspired this post.

This article was originally on The Cents of Money.

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