His Wife Makes Substantially More Money But Refuses To Support His Elderly Parents

A 47-year-old husband, the OP (original poster), turned to an online forum with his frustrations about his wife not pitching in to support his parents financially. He agrees it is not her responsibility, but she makes significantly more money than he does. She refused, and OP didn’t understand her reasoning or the hostility or shock he received from the forum. Here is his story.

Husband Wants His Wife To Support His Parents

Couple Quarrel Depositphotos 69580147 XL
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos

OP believes his wife, who makes more money than he does, should help support his parents in retirement. His Dad has Parkinson’s and is in declining health, while his mom, as a caregiver, has challenges taking care of him. He can’t afford live-in care, and his father may need to go into an assisted care home, separating his parents.

Their Finances  Significantly Differ But Are Split Proportionally

elegant businesswoman shutterstock 606184145
Photo Credit: Shutterstock

OP’s wife earns significantly more than her husband. She works in private equity while he teaches high school kids. The couple splits their finances equitably, with his wife paying 70% to his 30% share. While his wife makes (£400K aftertax, in UK pounds) or ten times more than his £40K compensation, OP explained that they settled on this split, saying, “We do this as she picks up most of the housework and childcare, and she has taken that into account when splitting the bills.” It can be uncomfortable when one partner makes more money than the other.

Her Family Are Better Off Financially

Older couple shutterstock 1667342626
Photo credit: Shutterstock

Her parents immigrated to the UK, sacrificing so she and her sisters could succeed. His wife and her sisters all have very high-paying jobs, one working in tech and the other being a surgeon.

Recently, her parents retired. His wife and her sisters give their parents around £2K monthly, which OP finds ridiculous if they have pensions. She assured her husband that this money did not come from their joint account. She says it’s her responsibility to take care of her family, while he needs to take care of his parents.

His Family Is Less Financially Secure

Worried couple shutterstock 2214472425
Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Meanwhile, his parents had government jobs with pensions. His sister lives on benefits and is a single mom. They are a relatively low-income family.

OP’s Young Sister Is A Single Mom Without A Job

Single mom and baby Depositphotos 340730476 XL
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos

His wife did help his younger sister when she became a single mother at a young age by offering her a secretary job at her office. However, he said,  “My sister quit after a month as she found it too difficult.” Previously, OP had asked for a loan for his sister to buy a house, but his wife declined, believing his sister would never pay her back. It appears his sister doesn’t have a job, so equally unclear how she would pay back a loan to his wife or a mortgage.

Should His Wife Help Support His Parents?

Couple man holding head Depositphotos 226761976 XL
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos

OP told his wife that his parents were retired, like hers,  and could use her help. His wife told him his parents were his responsibility, and he should give them money from his salary if he could afford it. OP was shocked and angry with his wife, pointing to her capable sisters who made more money while his parents only had their son to depend on.

Their Lifestyle is Lavish

Successful woman shutterstock 2118165200
Photo Credit: Shutterstock

OP said that his wife has an expensive taste. They live in a house he couldn’t have afforded on his own. They go on multiple holidays, and he pays for his share. She likes lovely presents, which require him to save money in advance.

He Thinks She’s Cheap and Selfish

Man with folded arms Depositphotos 64274905 XL
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos

OP sees his wife as cheap and selfish as she makes substantial money, has multiple rental properties under her name, and is unwilling to share her bounty with his parents. He explained that it’s been an emotional situation with his father and declining health. OP feels helpless, betrayed, and hurt. He agrees it’s not her responsibility to care for his parents but thinks she should be more empathetic.

The Verdict: OP’s A Real Piece of Work

Man confused Depositphotos 167144288 XL
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos

The online comments were largely harsh towards his expectations that his wife should be helping his parents. Many saw the OP as entitled since he doesn’t spend much time helping with their daughter or housework. Many wondered if a prenuptial arrangement protected their wife as her husband had set his eyes on her assets. UK prenuptial agreements are legally binding, but the courts can veto any part of an agreement is unfair. Commenters suggested the OP should earn more money by finding a gig like remote tutoring to save more money.

The most brutal comments came from single moms who had similar challenging experiences balancing child-rearing with their jobs. They pointed to his wife finding a secretary job at the office for his sister, who quit after a month “because the job was too difficult.” Their comments took issue with OP for thinking his wife should lend money to his sister and how his sister could even think she should buy a house in her poor financial position and jobless. Many thought OP sounded more like a golddigger, attempting to use his wife’s resources to support his entire family.

This article was produced and syndicated by The Cents of Money.


Leave a Comment