My Family Canceled Plans, Then Flew to Hawaii Without Me. What Would You Do?

All the love in the world won’t prevent conflicts between family members during the holiday season. For one woman, whom we’ll call Marjorie, her Christmas plans with the family fell through. While they say it was because they want to save money, Marjorie has other suspicions.

Planning the Family Get-together

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Marjorie’s parents, whom we’ll call Dave and Belinda, planned to visit her home in Europe for the holidays. Her brother, whom we’ll call Steve, also planned to join them. It was exciting for Marjorie because her family lives in the U.S. But every time Marjorie asked them to purchase their plane tickets in advance, they balked at the price and put it off. The family returned to their plans, saying they wanted to save money. Marjorie was disappointed, but she understood. That is, until Thanksgiving came around.

The Conflict

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Steve managed to get the week off for Thanksgiving, so he and his parents went on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Hawaii without even inviting Marjorie to come along. All week, Marjorie was bombarded with texts of happy photos of her family wearing matching outfits on the beach without her. Last-minute plane tickets to Hawaii aren’t cheap, let alone the hotel rooms, so Marjorie was upset that the family told her the reason they canceled their trip to see her over Christmas was to save money.

When Belinda called her daughter after the Hawaii trip, Marjorie confronted her. She told her she was upset that the family went on this trip. Her mother cut her off, said she couldn’t deal with her right now, and hung up. Marjorie has no idea what to do. She loves her family, but she can feel their bonds slipping away, and this experience solidified for her that her family doesn’t value their relationship with her.

Accept the Cold, Hard Truth

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The top comment urges Marjorie to accept the painful truth: her family deliberately excluded her for whatever reason. Rather than vie for the family’s withdrawn affection, this comment suggests Marjorie prioritizes other relationships. Just because she shares genetics with her family doesn’t mean she needs to spend time with them. Find a chosen family of caring friends and put those relationships first.

They’re Punishing Marjorie

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Many people believe Marjorie’s family might be resentful because she moved far away. They’re bitter that Marjorie left and expect them to drop everything to visit her abroad. Since the distance is her “fault,” they may think she’s supposed to be the one to come to them. Their choice to avoid visiting her is a way of punishing her for moving to Europe.

Others Can Relate

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Unfortunately, many others can relate to this bitter treatment from their families. “My entire family is currently on vacation without me, too. There is no mention of it and no invitation to join them. I just got asked to check on their house while they’re away. So I feel the heartbreak you’re experiencing,” writes one devastated person.

It’s Not Their Responsibility to Visit

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But others believe Marjorie expects too much from her folks. “You are an adult, and you moved to Europe. To me, the responsibility is on the person who moved to come and visit,” they argue. While Marjorie believes the family doesn’t want to spend time with her, this person suggests that maybe they are not interested in spending money to visit the place where she lives.

Chasing Their Affection Won’t Work

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According to Marjorie, she constantly chases her family’s affections. One person believes this behavior pushes them further away. They think Marjorie should match the family’s lackluster energy. “Maybe they’ll realize how they’ve taken you for granted,” they add.

Marjorie’s Jumping to Conclusions

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Some believe Marjorie jumped to conclusions too quickly. She mentioned that the family travels closer to her to see her multiple times yearly, while she rarely goes to the U.S. to see them. Perhaps it’s not that they don’t want to see her, but they don’t want to visit her location because of the cold weather.

Find a Compromise

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Many agree that Marjorie’s family doesn’t want to visit her city. If Marjorie intends to maintain a relationship with them, she may want to try finding a compromise. Rather than asking them to come to her, she could suggest vacations in warm places, which her family enjoys. It’s essential to have an open conversation about everyone’s needs during this process.

The Lies Are the Problem

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One person believes it’s reasonable for Marjorie’s family not to want to visit her over the holidays, but the problem arose when they lied about why they didn’t go on the trip. Instead of telling Marjorie the flights were too expensive, they should have been honest and told her they didn’t want to go to her new hometown. Then, they could have moved forward and possibly planned something everyone would enjoy.

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