Someone shared her story online about telling her soon-to-be sister-in-law that she didn’t want to be part of her wedding party due to her estrangement from her brother.
The original poster (OP) explained that her brother is getting married in May, and they haven’t been close for a while. OP moved to another state over 13 years ago, and her brother has never visited or met her husband. She occasionally sees him when she visits her grandmother. OP has met his fiancee several times and said she is fine, but they have very different lives and priorities.
However, OP acknowledges that she is excellent for her brother and is happy for them. She said that her brother’s fiancee is very high maintenance and is obsessed with having her “dream wedding” and being a princess. According to OP, the wedding is all she talks about. She asked OP to be one of her bridesmaids, and although OP said weddings aren’t really her thing, she said yes because it was essential to her SIL, and she figured it would mean a lot to her brother, so she engaged in the group chats.
OP said that the group chats never stopped. She is expected to fly down for dress shopping and other bridesmaid duties. OP then got pregnant, and her SIL told her that the bridesmaid’s dresses she had picked out probably wouldn’t be comfortable for OP, so she didn’t have to be in the bridal party anymore. However, she added that OP could still help with the bridesmaid duties.
She said OP could be an “honorary bridesmaid,” and she could still help with the wedding, showers, and bachelorette party. OP cut her off and said, “Look. Honestly, I didn’t want to be in the wedding in the first place, so I’m relieved I don’t have to deal with it anymore.”
What OP said made her SIL cry, and her brother called her angry, saying if OP didn’t apologize, she would not be invited to the wedding. OP said she is seriously considering not apologizing and not making the trip.
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The Masses Weigh In
The Reddit community was quick to rally behind OP.
One user said, “NTA. Sounds like you were very supportive, and then your SIL tossed you aside because you were pregnant. She sounds like a handful. And then wants you to do the work anyway. Don’t apologize unless she apologizes for treating you poorly because you’re pregnant.”
Another user said, “She was expecting a lot from you. Too much. Once you were “demoted,” why didn’t she lean on another bridesmaid? Either she knows they are flakes or thought you were a pushover. The next time your brother calls to complain about not helping with his wedding, ask him, “What’s my husband’s middle name?” or “Who does my husband work for?” or some other simple trivia to show that relationships need both parties to put in the work. NTA.”
Another user said, ‘TBH, I think you really should have just said no from the start if you really don’t like weddings at all to save yourself from all this drama(and everything up until the convo about the dress sounds pretty typical), but the bride was being unreasonable by removing you from being a bridesmaid yet still expected your help. You did blindside her by agreeing to be a bridesmaid initially, only to rudely say, “I never wanted to anyway,” when you found an opportunity to do so. It was more hurtful than what was called for. ESH”
Should OP have said no from the start? Should OP’s future SIL have expected her to help out still even though she was no longer part of the bridal party? How would you have reacted in this situation?
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