A Mom shared her story online of having to crack down on her son’s girlfriend after she continuously used her mental health as an excuse not to do anything.
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Mom (Original Poster or OP) explained that her son started dating his girlfriend three years ago, and at the end of 2021, the son’s girlfriend moved into their house. She allowed it for the sake of her son’s mental health and feelings. His girlfriend’s parents were moving out of state, and since she didn’t have any family or friends she could stay with where mom and her son lived, she would have had to move with them.
OP said her son cried for weeks because he thought she would move. OP decided to protect her son and his feelings and allowed her to move in. OP told them she expected rent payments and that the girlfriend would have to get a job. They both agreed. OP had it put in writing and filled out as a tenancy agreement so they could use her as a reference when they move out.
For the first couple of months, it seemed like Amber was trying to get a job, but after that, she stopped caring. OP would ask her if she had rent, and she would say, “You know I don’t,” and shrugged it off. OP’s son was paying their entire rent by himself. OP still felt like his girlfriend was taking advantage of the situation.
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After seven months, OP sat Amber down, reminded her of the agreement, and told her that she was on thin ice and that OP was tired of her not even attempting to hold up her end of the deal. The girlfriend said, “I understand where you’re coming from, but try to be sympathetic because I haven’t seen my parents in months, and I’m struggling to even get out of bed.”
OP said she did sympathize and even offered to get her to therapy. She said she would when she was “mentally ready,” which never happened. She kept making excuses that usually revolved around her parents. This month, OP’s water bill went up by $300. She discovered that her son’s girlfriend was showering thrice daily because “standing under the scolding water is the only thing that takes away my sadness.”
OP said at this point, she was done with the whole thing. She didn’t think it was fair that she was paying an extra $700 and her son was struggling to pay rent for him and his girlfriend. OP told Amber again that she needed to get a job. Again, Amber said, “I’m so depressed I can barely drag myself out of bed. I can’t work outside of this house.”
OP finally snapped and said she wouldn’t accept her “millions of mental illness excuses” anymore and that she could either find a job by the end of the month or OP would be terminating her lease and she could get out. OP’s son’s girlfriend ran out of the room crying and slammed the door.
Should OP’s son’s girlfriend suck it up and get a job? Or should she be able to continue doing what she’s been doing? How would you have reacted in this situation?
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6 thoughts on “Mom Can’t Take Son’s Girlfriend’s Mental Health Excuses Anymore”
While I do think it’s unreasonable to expect the mom and son to take on all these extra expenses, I also understand the girlfriend’s pov. People will see her as lazy and say she’s using her mental health issues as “an excuse,” but depression can absolutely drain you and make it impossible to work. It’s not mentioned if the girlfriend is on Social Security disability. If not, she should apply, then give Mom an agreed-upon amount. Perhaps have a neutral party suggest an amount, to try to prevent arguments.
I agree with you on depression, it can be debilitating.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
The girlfriend is not even attempting to help herself. I’ll bet the OP would have granted her a small leeway if she was attending like therapy a few times a week or doctor appointments. Sounds like she’s spending all day in the shower wasting water. Its completely unfair to the OP’s son and the OP and the girlfriend. I would have told her the same thing. Get a job or get out.
She definitely needs a job, or try to get one.
If the girlfriend misses her parents that much then she should go live with them. If the son cries about it then he should go with her.
Sound logical to me.