Relationships can be challenging, but learning to deal appropriately with your partner may improve your friendship, marriage, partnership, or relations with your family. However, many relationships are virtually unresolvable and toxic, resembling a shrieking kettle waiting to explode.
Often, there are red flags of a toxic relationship before things go south. However, we may not want to see them. After someone asked an online community what a dead giveaway of a toxic relationship is, these were the best responses.
The number-one-voted response was an assortment of controlling behaviors without a doubt. How partners controlled by them may have differed in subtlety to virtual wickedness, but several complained of manipulative, oppressive, or unjust behavior.
Several people spoke of friends or colleagues who constantly have to send videos or photos of them working to their significant other to prove they were there. One boyfriend made his girlfriend call him during all her breaks rather than mingle with coworkers. One husband got a vasectomy, even though he wanted children, but his wife didn’t. Then she changed her mind, and he reversed the vasectomy, and then she went back to her original plan of not having kids. Snip, snap, three vasectomies later, it took a physical toll on him.
Several in this community agreed they regularly dealt with emotional behavior in their relationships. One recalled PTSD experiences, and fighting with their partner was a virtual requirement. Some said they were constantly being yelled at or physically attacked for reacting to their abusive behavior and finally had to leave. Many complained of feeling exhausted from the ongoing drama in their homes.
Complains About Their Partner
One typical red flag is hearing someone persistently complain to others about their partner. At the same time, they are making others very uncomfortable. Pulling back the curtain and sharing dirty laundry with others opens the door to total disaster.
Many in the thread admitted they could no longer communicate with their partners. Some reported that they tried to work on communication with their ex, but as soon as they brought up anything, it turned into an argument and became a lose-lose situation. Arguments ranged from sarcasm, disrespect, and heated or angry words that veered from the initial discussion.
Can’t Have A Life Outside of the Relationship
Similar to controlling behavior, several pointed to relationships that become toxic over alienating their partner and restricting them from seeing friends, doing hobbies, or spending time alone reading a book. A few people reported that they could only do things by checking with their partners, had to vet everything, and needed more autonomy.
Suddenly, you spend much less time with your friends and family or are moved away from your support network and community. You are encouraged to associate only with people through your abuser.
I couldn’t agree more that gaslighting is a dead giveaway, but I think it can be challenging to know you’re gaslit. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation often found in abusive relationships. Several had gaslighting experiences, and they recognized they were constantly apologizing to their partner. Many admitted they would not speak their mind and choose their words carefully to avoid angering their partner.
Some people treat their partners with profound disrespect and dismiss their thoughts and feelings, often associated with prejudice against gender, typically women, but not always. Misogynistic behavior can be blatant or more subtle, reflecting an inequality between men and women where one may disagree to the other. Many friends of those who may be in such a toxic relationship provided experiences with an imbalance.
Negative Financial Behavior
When it comes to finances, one person may assert that they can control the financial accounts and the budget and sign the documents without the other party’s participation. Here are some of the comments shared by the community on finances that raise red flags:
“Why would you want your own bank account? We should have a joint account because I do the budgets for us. You know I’m better at budgeting, and we can’t afford to waste money.”
“Oh, they want to sign the document, don’t worry. I can sign for you. You don’t need to have your name on the lease, mortgage, credit card, or bank account. It’s just complicated stuff I’ll handle for you. You wouldn’t understand. What we are doing is complex. You know I am handling our finances for us.”
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With a passion for investing and personal finance, I began The Cents of Money to help and teach others. My experience as an equity analyst, professor, and mom provide me with unique insights about money and wealth creation and a desire to share with you.